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Hey
So last time I talked about depression
And yep, I'm still having it
But I am feeling a bit better.
:) Thanks to my best friend.
I really don't know how to begin this.
I know a lot of people don't like me.
I know I have a lot of flaws.
Like well,
I know I'm a very hot tempered person.
I tend to get angry very easily.
And when I'm angry, everything is wrong.
I can break things.
I can say a lot of mean things.
But you know, I'm trying to change myself.
You may not see it, but I really am trying.
I know I shouldn't crave for people's attention and care.
Well, let's just say I'm not from a very happy family.
I want to feel loved like how other people get from their family.
I want to feel wanted like other people.
I wanted someone to care for me.
But I realize, happiness isn't meant for everyone.
Some people just won't ever have it.
I know, and I'm trying to change this.
I have atelophobia.
A fear of imperfections.
I want everything to be perfect.
From the things I do, to the things I say.
But I know, it's not possible.
Nobody is perfect in this world.
I know I too have flaws.
And just really can't stand it when people keeps rubbing it into my face.
But I know, what they say aren't wrong either.
I'm trying to get rid of this phobia.
I have difficulties of expressing my feelings directly to people.
Which is why I always write some mean "stuff" on social media.
I know it's wrong.
I know I shouldn't do that.
I know I should have the courage to tell people how I feel directly.
I know, and I'm trying to change.
I know how flawed I am.
And I know the ones I listed above are not my only flaws.
But please, just understand
sometimes I act that way because I let my flaws control me
I know it's not right,
I am trying to change.
Please, stop criticizing me.
If you people are better than me,
Please, guide me.
I don't want these flaws as much as you do.
I cam't change overnight, please understand that.